Ah ya ya ya. Sometimes you males baffle the shit outta me. As my best friend recently said, "You have the unfortunate disadvantage of being a girl." He is correct... I am not a 19 year old insecure, needy, anorexic head case... and apparently that is where my disadvantage lies.
Pushiness is not sexy, and I have not been sitting around just waiting for an opportunity to be useful to someone like you. Take what you’re offered, emotionally and sexually, like a good sport, and there’s probably more where that came from. Really, there is.
Most men seem to be under the mistaken impression that I am concerned about whether they think I am awesome. I can’t really blame them for this, because some of them are operating on old data they gathered in high school, when girls were insecure messes so desperate for validation that they probably would have gone to the prom with a middle-aged gangland pimp if it meant that someone would ring their doorbell at six and tell them they were pretty. No exceptions made here (except I didn't go to prom, seriously I didn't. My sister on the other hand had like 12 guys ask her. And I am still the single one, shocker.) Wake up and smell the dried corsages, boys: that was a pretty long time ago. These days, gals, or at least any gals you should want to date, already like themselves just fine, so they aren’t bound to fall all over themselves with excitement when you offer them some lukewarm and slightly condescending compliment, such as, “Hey, you’re kind of funny/smart/cute.”
At any rate, let me enlighten you: If you are the instigator, if you are the one doing the pursuing, they aren’t worried about what you think of them. They are worried about what they think of YOU, this near-stranger who has stepped onto their radar and is now blocking their path to the bar. So don’t be surprised if we don’t melt into your arms the moment you flash us a dimple and ask us out as if you’re doing us a giant favor. Uh, who are you, again? And why do you merit the application of a flat-iron and the dragging out of the decent panties? It’s incredible how often guys expect me to feel excited that a guy, ANY guy, wants to text me at 1am and see if I want to meet up for a drink (yes, seriously), whether I know anything about him or not. Not only was I doing just fine without you, but you are standing between me and my bottle of vino, and if you knew me better, you would realize the extent to which your life was in danger based on that fact alone. So the next time you offer me a compliment, try to sound sincere, not condescending. Better yet, do or say something interesting enough that I’m now the impressed one. Now that will get my attention. Also, let's avoid the midnight-3am texts asking me what I am up to. I’ve got a hot date with a book and a bottle of vino tonight.
If you were wondering how the better half lives … well, now you know.
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