My imagination is way worse that your photo could ever be

People without profile photos of themselves should go ahead and post them because there's no way they're as fat and ugly as we're imagining.
That being said, here are a few pointers on what and what not to post. Mostly what not to post. Okay, its all what not to post. Let's take a visual tour shall we... 

You have a bird on your head. What are you trying to communicate to me here? That you are a wild and crazy guy? Or that you have an affinity for fowl? Cause I'm not gonna lie, I'm leaning towards the later.

 

You are in a phone booth and your face is very obscured... not to mention the In n Out uniform. This is his only photo. I don't really know where I am going with this one, but just no. Don't do that. Next.

Oh Heyyyyy. That's what you are saying isnt it. Or perhaps it's "look I hang out with cute chicks." Either way, I don't want to see my competition and I don't want to have to guess what you are saying. Well I do kinda want to do that last part- it helps pass the time when I'm looking at your exceedingly wordy profile.

You knew I couldn't pass up another creepy gym self portrait. I seriously wish I would see some guy do this at the gym. Guaranteed I would tap on his massive arm and ask if he was gonna post that to an Internet dating site. Then I would tell him he's a douche. But I would still give him a high five.

This one goes back to the fact that the first impression you give me should not be that there is a possibility you may want to kill me. Check. Check. Check.

 Pinky out. Enough said. Oh wait, one more thing to say- you are also drinking out of a straw.

Holy Hell this guy photo-shopped himself riding a squirrel. Creepy but awesome at the same time. Borderline. I still vote for refraining from any usage of photo-shop.
Note: I would like to ride a giant squirrel though.

Oh buddy. Thanks for showing me your muscles. They are decent, so well done. Here is the thing, if I met you at a bar and you did that- I would laugh at you and walk away. Especially since you seem 100% serious in this photo. I would like to meet the person that took it for you and ask them why they aren't being a good friend and asking you why you need a photo like this then steering you in another direction. Its like the people who go on American Idol and can't sing and start to cry and say they let all their friends and family down. News flash- you don't have any real friends or they would tell you that you sound like Skuttle from the Little Mermaid and that you are better off pursuing snarfblatting.

2 Little Mermaid references in one sentence, now its time for you to judge me.

Moral of the story- you need a photo on your profile unless you really like failure. But keep it real- no self portraits, no obscured faces, no hot girls, and maybe just maybe a limited amount of photo-shopped animal riding. Certainly no pinkies and no drinking out of straws.