I'm one of those gals who's into conversation.
Which is a little like saying I'm one of those guys who's into blow jobs.
Some of the emails I have received on match aren't so shocking in content (don't get me wrong, a lot of them are) but shocking in lack of content. I mean, hello people, I paid $31.95 for one month and I fully intend to find love within those 30 days we so are going to need to speed things up. I was too cheap to spring for the 3 month commitment of $29.95 each month- so I need to realize my $2 over spend was worth it. Let's get crack-a-lackin boys! Here are just a sampling of the emails I have received- I quote them in their entirety.
"How do I get the keys to the castle?"
<I am pretty sure this is a movie line, which if he read my profile he would know I haven't been to a movie theater in 15 years so it is lost on me.If it is not a movie line, then I don't really know where to go from here.>
"You sound fun..."
<You are correct, I am.>
"About me, I work in IT, live in Torrance near Rolling Hills Estates and Palos Verdes, never been married, like films, writing, good wine, good food, good books, hiking."
<Okay, thanks for sharing. I can already see how our first date would go. Enough about me, let's talk about me.>
"I would like to meet for a drink."
<I would like to not be murdered.>
"Thoughts?"
<see http://matchthesetwins.blogspot.com/ for my thoughts>
"Tell me more about you... I love your laugh"
<I love this one. Simply because I would like to know how he has heard my laugh.>
"Was there instant distrust when you saw my photo?"
<Nailed it.>
I mean seriously guys- strike up a CONVERSATION. It's hard to write back when you give me one line to work with. Anything is better than nothing. Well, as long as you don't make me think you want to kill me. How about "How was your weekend" for the win!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Am I here for love or to make you feel better about yourself?
I was talking to my twin the other day about... what else... match.com. This seems to be the theme over the past week. We have both been inundated with winks and emails. There are a lot of people out there looking for love. Supposedly 20,000 people a day join match. Whoa. That's a big pond with a bunch of fishies in it.
I was telling her that some of these guys I have received emails from I feel really bad for. I am aware of how terrible that sounds by the way. Allow me to explain- aka dig myself deeper into the hole...
Some of these guys are class A dorks. There is no two ways about this. Everything about them screams I AM AWKWARD. And I want to help them. Do I want to date them? Um no. But I feel like if they had just a little more self confidence and perhaps a good haircut, that they could really have a shot on here. So I email them back, I respond when they IM me.
My sister and I go on each others profiles to see whats happening and she totally called me out on it when she saw my little pattern.I told her my theory about wanting to help grow their confidence, blah blah blah. She said: WE ARE HERE FOR LOVE, (yes she yelled that) not to try to make guys feel better about themselves. There isn't enough time for that. !!!
I got this email today from my #1 dork project (note after he tried to IM me 4 times this morning):
I wanted to say hi, I am not having a good day at all after I had a chance to talk to my mom this morning to find out that my 8 year old golden retriever got sick yesterday and he had to be taken to emergency, and had to be put to sleep yesterday, I just wish I would have had a chance to see him, it just sucks, I was really close with the dog, and when I heard the news I really couldn't say anything. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to grab dinner and drinks either tonight, tomorrow or thursday, I was thinking it would be really nice to have someone to enjoy dinner and drinks with and thought I how I would really like to take you out. I have no idea what your schedule is like, but if you are going to have either tonight, tomorrow or thursday free, it would be great to have a chance to meet you and have a chance to enjoy a nice dinner with you. Let me know
I blocked him shortly there after. I am here for love.
I was telling her that some of these guys I have received emails from I feel really bad for. I am aware of how terrible that sounds by the way. Allow me to explain- aka dig myself deeper into the hole...
Some of these guys are class A dorks. There is no two ways about this. Everything about them screams I AM AWKWARD. And I want to help them. Do I want to date them? Um no. But I feel like if they had just a little more self confidence and perhaps a good haircut, that they could really have a shot on here. So I email them back, I respond when they IM me.
My sister and I go on each others profiles to see whats happening and she totally called me out on it when she saw my little pattern.I told her my theory about wanting to help grow their confidence, blah blah blah. She said: WE ARE HERE FOR LOVE, (yes she yelled that) not to try to make guys feel better about themselves. There isn't enough time for that. !!!
I got this email today from my #1 dork project (note after he tried to IM me 4 times this morning):
I wanted to say hi, I am not having a good day at all after I had a chance to talk to my mom this morning to find out that my 8 year old golden retriever got sick yesterday and he had to be taken to emergency, and had to be put to sleep yesterday, I just wish I would have had a chance to see him, it just sucks, I was really close with the dog, and when I heard the news I really couldn't say anything. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to grab dinner and drinks either tonight, tomorrow or thursday, I was thinking it would be really nice to have someone to enjoy dinner and drinks with and thought I how I would really like to take you out. I have no idea what your schedule is like, but if you are going to have either tonight, tomorrow or thursday free, it would be great to have a chance to meet you and have a chance to enjoy a nice dinner with you. Let me know
I blocked him shortly there after. I am here for love.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Twin to Twin
My sister just texted me this and I spit out my water all over my computer from laughing so hard. May need a new keyboard but totally worth it.
"Check out my new match message. He has a unibrow and likes cats. Enough said."
"Check out my new match message. He has a unibrow and likes cats. Enough said."
The people have spoken
"There really is much more to me than a picture and what can be said in this text, but I guess I would like to put it out there that people judge me based on a number of things and assume I'm cocky, or a player, etc....please wait till you get to know me before you pass judgment, most people are happy they did..."
This is what one guy has as the opening lines to his profile.
I recently met him.
People's judgment of him is 100% accurate... cocky... player... etc.
next...
This is what one guy has as the opening lines to his profile.
I recently met him.
People's judgment of him is 100% accurate... cocky... player... etc.
next...
Friday, March 18, 2011
Hot Diggity Dog
That title reminds me of that song "No Diggity, No Doubt" by Blackstreet. Remember it? Straight up high school. Good story- I lost my virginity to this song.
In other news, I read this on a gentleman's profile and emailed him instantly. If you make a hot dog reference you have an instant IN with me.
“Were I a hot dog, the meat would be my sense of integrity, values, passion, and commitment, while the bun would be my epic sense of humor, my omnipresent life quest for fun and frivolity, and my laid back personality.”
VIP. Who knew?
VIP.
Very
Interested
Person.
Who knew that's what VIP stood for on good 'ol match.com. Not this twin. Slowly learning that Match has it's own vocabulary. Wink. VIP. Daily 5. We will learn together what these all mean in due time, but let's focus on VIP today shall we?
I received this message yesterday with the headline of:
Just so you know, this is beach******'s only VIP Email of the week, and he chose to send it to you.
To me?! Special. Let's see what he has to say...
Very
Interested
Person.
Who knew that's what VIP stood for on good 'ol match.com. Not this twin. Slowly learning that Match has it's own vocabulary. Wink. VIP. Daily 5. We will learn together what these all mean in due time, but let's focus on VIP today shall we?
I received this message yesterday with the headline of:
Just so you know, this is beach******'s only VIP Email of the week, and he chose to send it to you.
To me?! Special. Let's see what he has to say...
Aloha
Where to begin? After reading your profile all I can say is, You're Perfect. And by that I mean you are perfect for me. There was not one thing I read that I did not say, "great", or "just like me", or "I have to meet this woman", lol. <Balls. He said lol. Do we keep reading?! Why not, I mean this is my FIRST VIP email!>
As you can see I am over your 39 year age range but at least I am not 50 and have no pictures of me in front of the mirror, lol. <Strike #2> I am a young 44. What does that mean? Well considering some of the other 44 year old men I have been around, I think I look pretty good for my age (no beer belly and 98% of my hair). I am also very active and like to participate in sports and staying in shape. I am tall like you. So feel free to put on some 3 inch heels and our lips will be at the perfect height for kissing. <bold statement> I am also secure enough in my manhood that if you want to wear the 4 or 5 inch heals, I would say "you go girl", but not in a cheesy accent. <oh wow> You did say you don't like your job and you would love to just lie on the beach and wear flip flops or no shoes at all. Sounds like someone is looking to relocate to a tropical paradise where she could find a new career she enjoyed while digging her toes into the warm sand. Now I know you live in Hermos Beach and you have the ocean and the sand there so you are probably not chomping at the bit to move to Hawaii. However, we have water you can swim in 12 months of the year and we never wear wetsuits.....can you say that about Hermosa Beach? <all excellent points> I love dogs and my ex-wife got the dog in the divorce so how about you and I get a puppy or two. <bold statement #2> What breeds do you like? Big or small? Read my profile and you will see I love to travel just like you. So let's rob a bank and just travel the world. Okay perhaps living on the run might not be the best thing but with you, it is tempting. <Is that a compliment?> Your humor about your cooking made me laugh. I actually do like to cook although being single makes it hard. Cooking for one is no fun and a waste of food. So will you be my guinea pig and I can cook for you? I cook, you blog! <um ya, that kind of defeats the point> Well if you have not fallen asleep reading this long email or hit delete before now, I thank you. I thank you for at least considering contacting a sexy, gentleman who lives 3,000 miles from you. <You are welcome, although I must admit I am not even remotely considering that> All I am asking is a conversation or two to see if there is any chemistry on the phone or even through emails. Perhaps a small spark that makes one of us jump on a plane to see if there is any physical chemistry once our eyes meet and I get to give you a big bear hug (sorry it is Hawaiian tradition, lol). <strike #3> <Side note, I had a family member who lived in Hawaii for 7 years- last time I checked a bear hug is not a Hawaiian tradition> What do you have to lose? At the very least, you end up with a friend in Hawaii who can show you around on your next vacation. I was saving my VIP for someone perfect for me....as you can see....I found her.
Hope to hear from you.
As you can see I am over your 39 year age range but at least I am not 50 and have no pictures of me in front of the mirror, lol. <Strike #2> I am a young 44. What does that mean? Well considering some of the other 44 year old men I have been around, I think I look pretty good for my age (no beer belly and 98% of my hair). I am also very active and like to participate in sports and staying in shape. I am tall like you. So feel free to put on some 3 inch heels and our lips will be at the perfect height for kissing. <bold statement> I am also secure enough in my manhood that if you want to wear the 4 or 5 inch heals, I would say "you go girl", but not in a cheesy accent. <oh wow> You did say you don't like your job and you would love to just lie on the beach and wear flip flops or no shoes at all. Sounds like someone is looking to relocate to a tropical paradise where she could find a new career she enjoyed while digging her toes into the warm sand. Now I know you live in Hermos Beach and you have the ocean and the sand there so you are probably not chomping at the bit to move to Hawaii. However, we have water you can swim in 12 months of the year and we never wear wetsuits.....can you say that about Hermosa Beach? <all excellent points> I love dogs and my ex-wife got the dog in the divorce so how about you and I get a puppy or two. <bold statement #2> What breeds do you like? Big or small? Read my profile and you will see I love to travel just like you. So let's rob a bank and just travel the world. Okay perhaps living on the run might not be the best thing but with you, it is tempting. <Is that a compliment?> Your humor about your cooking made me laugh. I actually do like to cook although being single makes it hard. Cooking for one is no fun and a waste of food. So will you be my guinea pig and I can cook for you? I cook, you blog! <um ya, that kind of defeats the point> Well if you have not fallen asleep reading this long email or hit delete before now, I thank you. I thank you for at least considering contacting a sexy, gentleman who lives 3,000 miles from you. <You are welcome, although I must admit I am not even remotely considering that> All I am asking is a conversation or two to see if there is any chemistry on the phone or even through emails. Perhaps a small spark that makes one of us jump on a plane to see if there is any physical chemistry once our eyes meet and I get to give you a big bear hug (sorry it is Hawaiian tradition, lol). <strike #3> <Side note, I had a family member who lived in Hawaii for 7 years- last time I checked a bear hug is not a Hawaiian tradition> What do you have to lose? At the very least, you end up with a friend in Hawaii who can show you around on your next vacation. I was saving my VIP for someone perfect for me....as you can see....I found her.
Hope to hear from you.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Real Original
This has been written on 5 guy's profiles, 2 different states::
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. For charity, I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees and have been known to tread water for three days in a row.
I am an expert in stucco and an outlaw in Peru. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear and my deft floral arrangements have earned me
fame in international botany circles.
I have been known to woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed and can cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.
In my spare time, I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and recently have been the subject of numerous documentaries. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.
On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket and last week while on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.
I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, performed open-heart surgery, and even spoken with Elvis.
I am an expert in stucco and an outlaw in Peru. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear and my deft floral arrangements have earned me
fame in international botany circles.
I have been known to woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed and can cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.
In my spare time, I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and recently have been the subject of numerous documentaries. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.
On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket and last week while on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.
I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, performed open-heart surgery, and even spoken with Elvis.
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